


Toxic

by Souliebird



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 23:25:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5183636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Souliebird/pseuds/Souliebird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They tore each other down, then pieced themselves back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toxic

Jason pulled his gaze away from his computer monitor as he heard his coffee maker beeping, signaling the newest brew had completed. He took a long drag from the cigarette between his lips, then flicked the ashes and butt into the mug of coffee he had been drinking before it had gone cold. He gripped the thing by the rim as he stood and walked slowly towards the kitchen. He fished another cigarette from his jacket pocket, then lit it after he put his old mug into the sink to wash at some time. 

Jason leaned his hip against the counter as he blew some smoke into the air, a wry smile on his lips. He stayed like that a moment, lost in his own thoughts before pushing off the counter and opening the cabinets to grab a mug. He looked over the dozen or so mugs with figures from movies on them or witty sayings before grabbing a plain black one. He set it on the counter before turning to open the refrigerator, the cigarette dangling between his lips dropping its ash as he moved. He pushed past the bottles of different flavoured creamers to grab the carton of milk, then poured what was left into his mug.

After he fixed his coffee, Jason took his mug with him back to the main living area. He paused as he passed the couch, the orange blanket neatly folded up and draped over its arm catching his eye. He set his mug down on the side table then carefully picked up the blanket, taking the time to make sure he didn't accidentally unfold it. He angled his cigarette downward then buried his face into the orange fabric and inhaled the lingering scents there deeply. 

The rush of memories hit him hard; Tim with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he worked on his laptop, ranting on about his latest case as Jason cleaned his guns; the blanket tossed over their legs as they watched a B-rated horror movie on the television while eating take out; Jason tugging the ragged thing that Tim for whatever reason cherished up over them after he had fucked the younger hard into the cushions, both of them too worn out to move to the bedroom to sleep. 

Jason knew the memories would hurt; they created a deep ache in his chest, a swell of guilt in his stomach, but they were the ones that he clung to. He clung to them because they hurt more than the ones that involved screaming, yelling, punches being thrown, or tears. He could remember every detail of rolling on the ground with Tim, trying to wrestle the remote from him before the play fighting dissolved into hot kisses and needy touches, but a fog came over his mind when he tried to recall the exact words he had used to tell Tim to get out of his apartment and never come back. 

Jason had always been very aware of the fact he and Tim were never going to make it in the long run. He had tried desperately to pretend he didn't see it, to go along with his lover's belief they were good together. He had loved Tim more intensely than anything he had ever felt before, had wanted nothing more than to give into the delusion they could be together. They were both so passionate and it had worked well in the beginning, but Jason was hot headed and Tim was stubborn. Their honeymoon period was short and it didn't take long for the arguments to start; shouting and slamming doors and hesitant not real apologies following from both sides. 

But it was them, that was just how they were around each other. They tore each other down constantly, then pieced themselves back together. 

No one else had known about their relationship for months and Jason had never considered why Tim had neglected to inform their Family until things were out in the open. 

The word Dick had used had been 'toxic'. Their relationship was unhealthy, full of hurt and pain instead of love and support. Tim left the apartment furious or upset more often than he had left with a smile on his face. 

And Jason had tried to change things. He tried to end fights before they had begun but it only made things worse. Their sex got rougher, more dangerous, with Jason's hand around Tim's throat tight enough to leave bruises, like he was trying to redirect the anger they both felt into intimacy. While Tim had gotten off on it, the others had made their displeasure in his treatment of Tim known. 

Jason could not, still could not, figure out why he and Tim ended up being so hostile towards each other, because he knew they loved one another. He had the small moments to prove it the moments that made all the fighting and scathing remarks worth it. Getting one second of Tim really smiling at him was what made all of hours of yelling mean nothing to him. 

But he also knew it wasn't the same for Tim. The fights wore on Tim; Jason was toxic and was dragging him down, bringing him to a place where he couldn't just bounce back. 

So Jason did the opposite of what he wanted. He began to instigate fights, pushed things to limits he knew shouldn't be crossed, said things meant to cut Tim like a knife. 

He drove Tim away with the hope that once the wounds began to heal and the hurt faded, Tim would find someone who only made him smile. Someone who deserved his smiles. 

Someone who wasn't Jason. 

Who wasn't toxic. 

Jason lost track of time, with his face pressed into the old orange blanket, but once he finally pulled back and put it back onto the couch, his coffee had gone cold. He sighed and dropped what remained of his cigarette into the liquid and dropped himself back into his computer chair. He tapped a key to bring his laptop out of sleep mode and smiled at the live feed of Tim working on paperwork on the floor of his loft.


End file.
